When You Left.......

"You Were Mine"
Lying in the hospital bed,trying to make my breathing steady, I thought about him and his words.
May be my mom is right. The reason for this serious asthma is caused of my tension or my depression. Even though she doesn't know the reason behind my mood off still she sensed something is seriously troubling me. Yes mom, he left me. Telling me neither truth or lie. Who knows, I didn't see him. I was a fool to love someone whom I didn't see with my own eyes. Love makes us someone else, it makes us believe what ever they say. Life is so strange sometimes. It gives us so much of hope and takes it away in a nanosecond. It shows us what is happiness and sadness. To determine truth or lie is a very difficult task. If we didn't study the lesson by one mistake it means we have a long way to go. Repeating same mistakes again and again can be called as stupidity. This stupidity occurs from our choice. May be its time to select the choice carefully. From what I had learned it is really the time to change. May be this change makes me a better and new person.

വാക്കുകൾക്‌   പോലും എന്നോട് വെറുപ്പ്  തോന്നി തുടങ്ങി എന്ന്  തോന്നുന്നു.  ആരോടും ഒന്നും പറയാനോ കേൾക്കാനോ ഒന്നും എഴുതാനോ തോന്നുന്നില്ല. മനസ്സ് ആരെയൊക്കെയോ തേടുന്ന പോലെ. ഒരിക്കലും  കണ്ടുപിടിക്കാൻ കഴിയാത്ത ഒരാളെ അന്വേഷിക്കുന്നത് പോലെ ഉണ്ട്. എവിടേക്ക് നോക്കിയാലും എതിരാളികളെ കാണുന്നത്  പോലെ. മനസ്സ്  തുറന്നു പുഞ്ചിരിക്കുന്ന ഒരു മുഖം കണ്ടിട്ട് നാളുകൾ കുറെ ആയതു പോലെ. ഒക്കെ 'പോലെ' ആണെങ്കിലും ഇതൊക്കെയാണ്  ഇപ്പൊൾ  എനിക്ക് ചുറ്റും നടക്കുന്നത്. ആരോടു പറയും എന്തു ചെയ്യും ഒന്നും മനസിലാകുന്നില്ല. ഇനി ഇതൊക്കെ എന്റെ തോന്നലുകൾ മാത്രമാണോ? അതുമറിയില്ല. തിരിച്ചൊന്നും പറയാറില്ലെങ്കിലും എന്നും എന്റെ കൂടെ ഞാൻ പറയുന്നതൊക്കെ കേൾകുന്ന ഒരാളു മാത്രം ഉണ്ട്. ദൈവം. :)

LOVE AND LIGHT

The power went off, just like the last day. It was the third time the darkness spreads, exactly when Naina was crying as if he doesn't want to see her cry it might be him, Kailesh. Their love was an example for everyone. Like a fairy tale story. Even the God must have been envied in their love. May be because of that he went to the another world leaving her, leaving their love, leaving everyone around him. 

Body, soul, I am not a strong believer but never disbelieved in all those things too. Still some things make me believe he is with her, all the time. And the light goes off as if he doesn't want her to cry in front of her friends. Or may be he was telling her not to cry. I don't know if any one believe this. But I would like believe it like that. There is some thing called True Love in their love story which we are not able to see these days. When there are good people in earth, God likes to call them to him. But am sure that they still can see us.

 Our heart is a strange thing. The person whom we love deeply will be stored deep inside our heart. Whether we see them daily or talk them daily or never see them anymore doesn't matter to our heart. Some rare people we love will be locked in our heart Forever. 

There will be some rare love story like theirs. They all will be with their loves ones until the very End.

നാളെ നീയും ഒരു ഓർമ്മയായി തീരും...
ഓർമ്മകൾ, ചിലപ്പോൾ വീണ്ടും വീണ്ടും ഓർമ്മിച്ചു സന്തോഷിക്കാം...
അല്ലെങ്കിൽ, ചിലപ്പോൾ മനപൂൂർവം മറക്കാൻ ശ്രമിക്കുന്നതാവം...
ഓർമ്മകൾ അങ്ങനെഒക്കെ അല്ലെ... :)

Do you have a Film friend ? Means do you have a 'Film' as a friend? I have, hundreds. Films which will end in happiness, tragedy, sadness, or my favorite 'Happily ever after'. Films which make us happy, sad, angry, anxiety, every human feelings. Films who know you. Films which take you to your own world, where you watch all those scenes in real, My mum always say or scold me to come out of the fantasy world. But will there be a life without fantasy. Our imagination and dreams make us to live this life. Somewhere in our heart we believe that our dreams will come to reality. This hope makes us to live a day more. And in my life films hold a very big hand in my dreams and imagination. Each and every film becomes my life. I will be the heroine and there will be a resemblances to each and every character in film as my family or friends. Or i will make a resemblance. And I live in it. I watch my favorite films hundred times without loosing its anxiety, happiness or sadness. And I can repeat it a thousand times without getting bored. Films just don't change like people, they never change what they say, they show us how our life is, how our life was, and how our life can be. It takes us to a never ending adventure of our own life which may change our life. Make some 'Film' friends. There will be a difference for sure. :)

I thought only I was having this thought that after reading some books we think that we can write a book too. After reading Durjoy Datta's Hold my hand, slowly I figured out that each and everyone who reads more than two or three books will think the same thing. Reading a book may make many difference in our life. As my brother said, Knowledge is a life long asset. As reading  a process it is a complex cognitive process of decoding symbols in order to construct or derive meaning. God...no one read anything if they read this definition. Reading gives us a pleasure which no one can give us, it takes us into a imaginary happy World which will be with all our favorite characters. As Garrison Keillor said "A book is a gift you can open again and again."
One book may have a thousand feelings. One book may teach us thousand lessons. One book may give us a thousand ways to turn in our life. A great book may leave us with many experiences and slightly exhausted, we live several lives while reading.
So just be calm and read a BOOK

....

I LOVE YOU

                                                      It was just another night with a heavy rain which took the sound of me crying. I still doesn't have a slightest idea why am I doing this as I know that you hate me with all your life. I had taken a vow that I will hate you if stop thinking about you just for a moment in a day. But no, it won't be an easy task for me. I don't know what you think about me and I don't care. I never know what happens next, can't regret several years later. After all these events I never told you what I felt. Actually, I cheated you, by sending you those messages as my sister. I just wanted to know what you felt about me. I really am sorry about that. But you know what she told me "It will be a joke after many years when you  tell him." But I couldn't keep the secret and it turned out to be a tragedy. I never regret that. I would never have the courage to tell you otherwise. I was and am a joke to some Teachers and some students. I was really angry when I heard them speaking about me and the source for them might be you. When I thought about it further, it came to me that I really do matter to you, may be that's why you tell them about me. Anyway I am Sorry for everything. 

I just can't help anymore, really need to tell you this even before its more late. I am saying this to you for the first and maybe last time.

I LOVE YOU

Wish I will not be a joke anymore. Thank you if you are reading this. Will not be a disturbance anymore.

SECRET

                                                I was thinking about secret. A secret can make anything happen in this world. It can make a baby birth and even kill a person. Our world itself is a secret sometimes. 

Does anyone experienced the pressure of any secret ? Once in a life you should have. The extreme force which your mind will tell you to share your secret with anyone and your heart will go against your mind. Our mind itself is a secret to scientists. When you insert a secret into your mind it analysis it further deep and even develop a story. And it makes you sick inside to let it out to the world or at least to one person. And even if you tell this to anyone lets think about the after effects. It will be worse than World War 2. May be someone might have a secret for creating World War 3, who knows? No one can be trusted.
The mind and heart which contains a secret can be divided into two. As always Men and Women. It is very hard for a woman to carry a secret. But then if am not wrong in the film Titanic, Rose said that "A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets." It's also true. Still there are who can't keep a secret. When they tell to someone it will like a huge rock kept down from their head. And on the other hand there are men who can be trusted till they get angry and think about revenge. So it is all about our mind and heart. A secret creates a quarrel between our own heart and mind. It makes feelings change from happy to sad or mad.
Still it is nice to some secret you know. A secret is a telling someone 'I believe in you' (may be not the right one though).
Hear a secret, maintain it, lock it in your heart. 

WHEN I DIE…

What will happen when I die ? Will someone cry ? Of course, my Mom for sure also my dad and sister. Will my other relatives feel anything about me ? Will my friends visit my home to see me for a last time ? Will they cry and scold me ?  Will I die in pain ? An accident ? An incurable disease ?  Heart Attack ? Will someone kill me? Due to old age ? Or worse will I commit suicide ? May be not… What will they do if I die ? Burn me ? But am afraid of fire. In a coffin ? Feels like one will die without catching the last breath. Or worse they will give me to the medical college  to study my inner parts, each and every organs. Still they can't see my inner Heart, they will never know what I feel, what I think and what my heart wants. As per Hindu tradition they will burn me. Still I don't like it. Will I become a Ghost ? A friendly one may be. Or a cruel one ?? Never. It's nice to be a friendly one. No one will see me. Or I can command specific person can see me. I can watch What will happen after I die.  Who will cry who will laugh. Who will praise me ? Who will criticize me? Who loves me ? Who hates me? That will be awesome…

But Will I die soon ?

Am I having an incurable disease ? No

Will I meet with some accident ? Can't say.

Will I have Heart attack ? Probably not.

Will someone kill me ? May be not.

Will I become old soon ? Not in next 40 years.

Will I commit suicide ? Never.

Then why am I thinking like this…….???

Am I mad…? YES… I think so.